It's been too long...

I have had some financial setbacks in my plan to start Optifast. Unfortunately, with the holidays, it's been hard to find an extra $200 for my body assessment. I now have it scheduled for the 29th of January, and hopefully I will be able to afford it by then.

Which leads me to a huge rant about the heath care system...

If you have heath problem related to your weight (like my high blood pressure and cholesterol) you can qualify for weight loss surgery. All I would need is to have my doctor recommend surgery, and wait out the process. This is a surgery that would cost my health plan thousands of dollars. They are willing to pay that, but they aren't willing to pay for my body assessment for Optifast, which is a program that they endorse and whose offices are on their property. Where is the logic in that? I understand the health plan not paying for diet "foods", that makes sense to me. But why not help people with the medical side of it. It just so frustrating that my health plan doesn't want to help me with my health issues unless they get to cut me open to do it.

I have so many other issues with the health care system, and my particular health care provider in general but I'll save that for another post.

I also had some major problems with depression in December. By major, I don't mean suicidal, just for the record. I had several anxiety attacks, which is new for me. I felt like everything was out of control, and there was too much to do. Looking back, I don't know what I felt I couldn't handle. I feel the same way to some extent everyday. Like if I could just get the whole house clean at once, I'll be happy. Or if I can just get all the bills paid on time, I'll feel better. And when I can't I just want to give up. Only during the holidays, I felt like giving up meant disappointing everyone that I knew and I couldn't deal with that. It's a hard thing to put into words.

I've suspected that I have issues with depression for maybe the past 8 years or so, but it seems like when I finally get the courage or drive to seek help it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Which I'm guessing is the normal highs and lows of depression. I had an appointment to see a psychiatrist yesterday, and I didn't go. I know that once I start the diet, I will get counseling, it's part of the program. I guess I'm avoiding the issue until I have to deal with it...healthy, right?